That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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