look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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