Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is the high leading the old right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
