Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
