All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
