Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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