I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
