My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
