Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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