You can't special order awesome
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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