I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
