i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
