okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
