He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
