Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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