The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
