and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
