So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
