Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
