I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
