yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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