Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
BRING THE BAGELS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
