I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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