i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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