No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
