If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
