Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
