I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
