I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
