Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
