Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You smell like stripper and shame
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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