i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
