sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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