So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
