she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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