Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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