The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
