Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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