I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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