Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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