bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
