Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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