so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
