Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
high people should be assigned attendants
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
