Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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