I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
