Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
