A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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