I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
