your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
