I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
