how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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