The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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