Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
